What is anger and why should you care to cope with it? Chances are that if you clicked this post you already have an answer for it, at least you are pretty clear that it’s an important issue that needs to be dealt with.
If you care to join me a little longer I will perhaps tell you a few things that can add to solve that puzzle for you. But more importantly, I will show you how to reverse it.
Anger is an emotion, we can pretty much clear that out of the way. The thing is that like many emotions it has a purpose, it’s not inherently bad as many people like to make it be. Nevertheless it keeps on getting a bad rep. If somebody describes you as an angry person it doesn’t really sound like a complement now does it? Whereas, if I were to describe you as a happy person that will indeed make you feel good about yourself and it will let people around you form a good opinion of you.
The thing is that happy is a state of being not just an effervescent emotion. This state of being hosts many other emotions, like sadness, and anger. Yep, anger is also part of being happy; at the very least is a part of being productive. If somebody does you wrong and you don’t get angry, how is your body supposed to know danger? How will your brain know that you need to be protected? Anger has its purpose, it helps you not only to protect you from danger but to assess situations where your rights might be in violation thus presenting you with the opportunity to better create boundaries for yourself and helping you grow.
How will your brain know that you need to be protected?
So long as anger is doing that for you then you have a healthy relationship with that emotion. Well done you!
But then again, you did click that sexy title, so you must want answers. Here is the deal, anger becomes a problem when it’s so strong you can’t stop yourself from feeling it, when you can’t seem to stop feeling like you have to fight someone or something. The beast is so strong that it blinds you. At first it might be a one-time thing, then it happens again, then again, then it becomes an occasional affair, then before you know it, people call you Hulk and it’s not so funny anymore.
Usually our partners are the recipients of our anger
You might try to just ignore the fact that this is happening and that it is going to go away somehow. Or you might ask for forgiveness right away. You might even promise yourself never to get angry like that AGAIN, and even give yourself a hard time for being this mean to whomever was the recipient this time. And see, that makes you feel like you are taking care of the issue and probably it seems like that to you for just a split second of time and then it happens again.
You continue to encounter stupid people everywhere that just seem to push every right button like Mozart playing a beautiful symphony. Every argument you have with your significant other it’s begging you to bring your biggest most deadly arsenal. And you don’t even have to be with people to fight; even in your own company you can feel the hate just lurking around. And that right there is where your #1 mistake lives in.
You see, they say that recognizing that you have a problem is the first step and is not like they are wrong, but can you please tell me what the fuck is the problem then? Yes, yes, you said you get angry easily, I don’t see what’s the big deal. Yes, you fight with people that fight you, that’s even normal. Yes, people annoy you, so what? You are not going to tell me there are not annoying people in the world.
So what, I ask you again, is the problem then? Don’t you see it yet? That’s your mistake. You see anger everywhere but you are not really seeing it. You just know that is out there. So yeah, you lash out, you say I am sorry, you feel guilty, you promise yourself to be good, to feel happier, to control the beast, you shower yourself in unicorns and candy hoping that somehow that’s going to take you to the land of the care bears were you are going to be happily ever after. There is the mistake again.
Have you ever visited a doctor and expected them to help you heal your strange disease without him examining you and making sure what is causing the problem? I am going to assume you have a good doctor and that he does a good examination before treating you.
That’s brilliant…for a 3 year old.
You, on the other hand, just figure that because you are angry you have to stop being angry. That’s actually brilliant, for a 3 year old. You are angry, big deal, what are you angry about? What was happening? What were you doing? Were you alone? What were you thinking when you started to feel unbelievably angry?
What? No answer? Go figure. I just don’t understand how you couldn’t cope with your anger with that broad master plan of yours that included basically nothing but saying “gosh I feel angry, gotta stop feeling that?”
How are you going to fix your problem if you are not aware of what is causing it? That’s your mistake, you don’t know, you think you do, but you haven’t actually done the work. You have to become aware of your angriness. Not just aware that you are angry, but aware of what it’s driving it.
You see, it may seem like a lot of people are stupid, like everybody is attacking you, like all you do with your partner is fight. But that might not actually be true. It’s not everybody who provokes you, is not every time that you are feeling attack or that you are fighting with your girlfriend, something is happening during those times that is causing you to feel that way.
Usually people who journal tend to feel better and prevent angriness because by having an outlet for their thoughts and feelings they allow their perception to come out and play. They immerse themselves into a self-exploration game in which they regain control of their rage by understanding what causes it, even if they don’t know they are doing it.
If you want to actually start coping in a true lasting way with your anger, you need to practice awareness. There are lots of exercises for that out there, well I am guessing they are, but you can start by writing about what you hate. Just let it all out there. Try to practice writing about what is bothering you. Just spit it out. Doesn’t have to be a Doestoievsky’s novel, just write down whom you are mad at, how this angriness feels like and your thoughts about it. And hell, If you want to, I will even make it easier for you. I have an excellent tool for you to develop coping skills by learning awareness techniques. Just give me your email and I will send it right over to you. It’s my gift to you, so don’t worry about the money.
I promise you that once you start practicing this you will feel like coping with your anger is not a faraway goal, it’s a very feasible thing for you to do. I assure you, calmness and self-control can be your reality soon enough. Until then, have a good day! And pretty please send me a picture of you practicing with the videos that I am sending! Let’s make this an accountability thing.