It is more important to be right than to feel good. Your brain prefers order than chaos, that’s why it is so important for you to be right. It helps you see the world in a way that you can understand.
Let me just say that I am quite aware that there might be more factors that could potentially affect the result and that not everything is a self-fulfilling prophecy. But, just entertain me and read the title. Yeah, then that’s the focus I am going to take. Keep your eyes on the prize and don’t miss the point.
Have you ever done something that you knew was not going to have a good end for you but you did it anyways?
Well, if you were thinking that perhaps you were Gandalf 2.0 or Rasputin’s nephew, let me just stop you right there. You have an awesome power my dude. You could actually see steps ahead of you and prevent things from happening. But here is the deal, with great power comes big responsibilities Peter. You need to use your power for good. Right now your power is both the source of your problems as it is the solution. Let me break it down for you:
The problem: When you believe something is going to happen and you make it your case to make that reality come true. Most of the time, you do this unconsciously. What is happening is that you are repeating a pattern of behavior. You gotta know that when something is already an established routine, your brain develops let’s call it “brain roads” so every time you encounter the same circumstance, your brain will have a road to follow. To break a habit you first have to change the road, but to change the road you have to first spot the habit.
Let me give you an example: you know that if you go out with your girlfriend she is going to start nagging you somewhere in the middle of the night and because of that your already predict you are going to be angry at her. In your mind that actually sounds logical, I mean, why not, it has happened before, sure will happen again. But here is the thing, if you keep thinking that it’s going to happen, you are training your brain to make that happen because if it doesn’t happen, then chaos emerges. Your brain doesn’t like chaos, it needs order. It demands order from you, so give it fucking order. Give it what it predicted! Sure enough, you fight with your girlfriend, you are angry, which is usually a way of being sad, and you guys manage to fuck up your awesome date. I know, she could have been being a bitch, but remember what I told you before, we are not talking about the variables, we are talking about the times in which you need your belief to become true.
Have you ever considered to think that actually the night was going good, she was dressed up real nice for you, she was in a good mood, she was all happy maybe a little horney and you were an ice cube?
Maybe things were not going bad that night after all but your behavior was defensive or even offensive because you are getting ahead of yourself and that’s the real reason why things went to the shithole.
I used to watch Friends, I love that sitcom! There was an episode that revolved around finding out if Rachel was the one who initiated the sexual encounter that led to her becoming pregnant or if it was Ross. It was early on, on Rachel’s pregnancy. It started as an innocent conversation between friends just telling how things had happened, when Rachel said that Ross came on to her and that’s when the fight began. Everybody believed Rachel and Ross was losing his mind over it. Long story short, he had a video about that night and so he can provide evidence that he was saying the truth.
And yeah, we see them drinking wine, laughing, chatting and then it happens. Ross reaches out for Rachel’s mouth and kisses her ever so passionately, BUT not before Rachel signaled him with the let’s have sex story. Supposedly there was a story that you could tell if you ever wanted to have sex. As a result, the other person would be so aroused by it that it would surely lead to some sexy time. Ross knew what the story meant, so when he heard Rachel telling it, he understood she wanted to have sex with him. Mystery solved! Ross won! It was a fun episode.
Ok, back to our point, just like Ross, your lady friend can pick on your vibe. You could always say “I didn’t do anything” but you were maybe displaying aggressiveness or rudeness with your non verbal communication. Your non verbal communication could have led to the other party responding and you guys fighting.
But hey, I am not here to solve relationship problems, there might be more to you guys story, I don’t know you, I am here only to say that you have to become aware of your thought patterns and behaviors because they drive your anger issues.
In this case, I am just illustrating how your certainty about how things are going to unravel makes you take the necessary steps to make that happen. That’s how you become the creator of your anger. One true prophet of your bad mood.
There is always a silver lining though. You can use your abilities to predict the future for the good.
When was the last time you went out and got angry in a situation you think is always going to go wrong? Think about those times and write the reasons why you think they went wrong and see if you are repeating a pattern. Don’t get me wrong, the pattern might be that you’re always hanging out with assholes who feed your anger, but your pattern might also show that you have a tendency to expect the fight and find reasons to get angry. Remember, the devil is in the details.
If you actually believe the problem is not you or not even the other person, then use your abilities to see steps ahead of you to understand what it is about the future situation that is bothering you. It might be that you are going out when you should be working, or that you don’t really enjoy the activity that the date is about or that you feel that you don’t want to spend money on that activity. Whatever it may be, you need to be aware of that. Those are good reasons to be angry, but they are also your responsibility, so there is no reason why everybody has to pay the price of your mood and anger just because you are not aware of what is driving it. So, start there, become aware of it. Make a habit out of writing your thoughts, it doesn’t have to be long or follow a script, just write.
Let me know what you find. What have you been prophesizing lately? Comment below.
Your mood could stabilize and your anger dissipate if you learn to expect different things.